By Lynne Neitzschman
Middle School is a period of development characterized by rapid physical changes, changes in attitudes, values, intellectual processes, forgetfulness and preoccupation with other issues, along with irritability and mood swings. When caught in a misdeed, middle schoolers deny blame and reluctantly accept consequences. Middle schoolers are here and now centered and they are very idealistic.
At the same time, there is a significant shift of focus from a primary dependence on parents and teachers for approval to other kids for acceptance and confirmation. Parents may begin to experience power plays, as middle schoolers separate and individuate. By age 10 or 11, having a single best friend and being a member of a two or three person group has become important.
Crowds and cliques are the two types of groups to which the young adolescent strives to belong: crowds provide the groups’ identity; cliques provide the context in which members meet each other’s needs to “belong.” Affirmation, belonging, and assurance that there is someone with whom secrets can be shared in very important.
The insecurities that accompany this age create the need to gravitate toward those with whom they perceive they have the most in common. Conversely, young adolescents can be very mean to those whom they view as different from themselves as a way to validate themselves. So, in order to feel good about themselves at a stage in life during which they feel so awkward, they reject others who threaten their new identities. They shoot mean glances at classmates who are not in their group, name call, and in many ways act aggressively or deliberately shun others.
At the same time, middle school children have become increasingly more exposed to an uncivil world in which put-downs, stereotyping, name-calling, and physical aggression are some of the ways children hurt their peers. The fact is: childhood aggression has negative consequences for the general climate of a school and the rights of students to learn in safe inviting environments.
Researchers have been studying childhood aggression for about 30 years. Most estimate that from 8th grader, 75% of students have already experienced some form of aggression from their peers. Of that number, 10-15% report that they have been regularly “bullied”.
These forms of aggression usually occur at school, generally when supervision is at a minimum: the playground, the cafeteria, a classroom before the bell. Such behavior begins in lower school; peaks in middle school; decreases in upper school. It affects the ability to learn and it can leave deep emotional scars. Yet, children are uncomfortable about being bullied, but afraid to do anything about it. Some try to minimize it, insisting that it’s only in fun.
Childhood aggression is the more current name given to acts that have been described as bullying and teasing for many years. Teasing may be considered to be making fun of someone in a hurtful way. Whereas playful teasing makes everyone smile or laugh; hurtful teasing causes the person being teased to feel humiliated, sad, hurt or angry.
“Boys will be boys and girls will be girls,” some say. “This is all normal” True. All of us have aggressive tendencies. Young children may show aggression as young as 2 ½ through teasing and intimidation. They are defending their toys and their territory.
By four to five years of age, their vocabularies have expanded to allow them to defend their space with words. They don’t really want to fight. As good parents and teachers, we begin to teach children to get along.
However, experts in childhood aggression are now telling us that we need to address bullying and teasing in schools to prevent long term emotional wounding, if not violence.
Most researchers agree that we have begun to see the worst ramifications of childhood aggression in horrendous acts such as Columbine. There is concern that adults contribute to the promotion of childhood aggression when we do nothing to redirect such behaviors. Lack of perceived concern by adults may be viewed by young adolescents to be implied acceptance of aggressive behaviors.
Boys demonstrate aggressive behaviors differently than girls: Boys are direct. They employ verbal abuse, physical threats, push, shove, hit or take another’s money or property. Girls on the other hand are mostly indirect. Girls spread gossip, start rumors, or exclude other girls if not isolate them from the clique or even the crowd. Boys use direct bullying four times as often as girls and are victims twice as often. However, girls use either direct verbal bulling tactics and as well as indirect methods. So, if you consider both indirect and direct methods, girls aggressive acts are equal to boys in number.
Children are more likely to bully others if they have difficulty seeing another’s perspective, tend to be more egocentric, appear to lack empathy towards others, seem to have higher levels of anger, and need power or control. Many researchers have shown that children who bully have been subject to erratic and harsh treatment at home
And/or have experienced permissive parents who do not set clear limits. Boy bullies are often described in the literature as larger or stronger, whereas girl bullies may be petite and pretty.
Children are more likely to BE bullied if they have low self-esteem, tend to be shy and non-assertive, tend to be anxious or depressed, tend to cry or over-react when teased, have few or no friends. Many of these children have difficulty reading social cues and have deficits in social skills. It is NOT because of different physical characteristics such as red hair, eyeglasses, an unusual dialect, or being over-weight.
Sometimes, someone who has been bullied becomes a bully to make herself or himself feel better. Controlling others makes them feel better about themselves (Noll, 1998). Kids tease or bully when they recognize weaknesses in others. It makes them feel stronger and more in control. Picking on others makes some adolescents feel like they are a part of the inner crowd. They are doing what the popular kids do.
There are two major types of childhood aggression: Social victimization and Overt Victimization: Social victimization includes being excluded from the peer group, having lies told about you, being left out of an activity on purpose, or told the other won’t like you unless you do or say something specific. Overt Victimization includes verbal victimization, being insulted or called derogatory names; name calling, act of teasing or referencing a peer with a label that may create unpleasant or hurtful feelings; intimidations, phone calls, dirty tricks, taking or hiding possessions; written aggression; threatening or mean notes or graffiti; sexual harassment, comments or actions of a sexual nature; racial or cultural harassment, comments or actions containing racial or ethnic overtones; and physical victimization, being kicked, pushed or shoved or having hair pulled. Bullying behavior is reinforced positively by exerting power and control; victims generally react and negatively by little threat of consequences.
School need to take many steps to minimize the effects of childhood aggression. We need to help all children, bullies and victims, develop enhanced self esteem. Schools should establish a no tolerance policy for bullying behaviors. We need to find new and creative ways to engender respectful and responsible behavior. We need to better educate students about the issues, and to empower those who are victimized. We should encourage reporting of behaviors that are reflective of childhood aggression. Schools need to train faculty to observe and redirect aggressive behaviors and help parents to deal with these issues at home.
Schools can begin by administering a needs assessment for the school, including surveys for students, parents and teachers to determine the extent and types of aggressive behaviors. Teachers can lead their classes in the formulation of class rules against all forms of bullying behavior, including put-downs. Also, teachers can implement more cooperative learning activities to reduce social isolation. Administrators can increase adult supervision at key times, such as lunch and breaks.
All adults, parents, teachers and staff, must take all reports of any kind of aggression seriously. We need to be supportive of victims and respond consistently to both aggressors and victims. Often, the most well-meaning adults tend to minimize a child’s complaint about aggressive behavior. Establish dialogue with the victim and the aggressor. Try not to blame the offender, but rather open the communication between them. Enable the victims to express how the words or action made them feel. Make non-judgmental contact with the aggressor and the victim. Listen intensely to what both are saying. Lay the groundwork for the offender to learn about him or herself and the victim to learn how not to react. Provide for support and follow-up.
Recommended reading on childhood aggression includes Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, by Rachel Simmons; Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence, by Rosalind Wiseman, and Raising Real Boys, by William Pollack, Ph.D
The above is the summary of a talk by Dr. Lynne Neitzschman who recently spoke at the Network Middle School Conference about aggression in childhood, specifically the middle school years. The conference was held in Chicago Illinois, October 24-26.